飘天文学

第19章 runng fr gvernr（第1页）

arkTwain

AfewmonthsagoIwasnominatedforGovernorofthegreatstateofNewYork，torunagainstMr。JohnT。SmithandMr。BlankJ。Blankonanindeendentticket。IsomehowfeltthatIhadonerominentadvantageoverthesegentlemen，andthatwas-goodcharacter。Itwaseasytoseebythenewsaersthatifevertheyhadknownwhatitwastobearagoodname，thattimehadgoneby。Itwaslainthatintheselatteryearstheyhadbecomefamiliarwithallmannerofshamefulcrimes。ButattheverymomentthatIwasexaltingmyadvantageandjoyinginitinsecret，therewasamuddyundercurrentofdiscomfort

"riling

"thedeesofmyhainess，andthatwas-thehavingtohearmynamebandiedaboutinfamiliarconnectionwiththoseofsucheole。Igrewmoreandmoredisturbed。FinallyIwrotemygrandmotheraboutit。Heranswercamequickandshar。Shesaid:Youhaveneverdoneonesinglethinginallyourlifetobeashamedof-notone。Lookatthenewsaers-lookatthemandcomrehendwhatsortofcharactersMessrs。SmithandBlankare，andthenseeifyouarewillingtoloweryourselftotheirlevelandenteraubliccanvasswiththem。

Itwasmyverythought!Ididnotsleeasinglemomentthatnight。But，afterall，Icouldnotrecede。

Iwasfullycommitted，andmustgoonwiththefight。

AsIwaslookinglistlesslyovertheaersatbreakfastIcameacrossthisaragrah，andImaytrulysayIneverwassoconfoundedbefore。

PERJURY。-Perhas，nowthatMr。MarkTwainisbeforetheeoleasacandidateforGovernor，hewillcondescendtoexlainhowhecametobeconvictedoferjurybythirty-fourwitnessesinWakawak，CochinChina，in1863，theintentofwhicherjurybeingtorobaoornativewidowandherhellessfamilyofameagerlantain-atch，theironlystayandsuortintheirbereavementanddesolation。

Mr。Twainowesittohimself，aswellastothegreateolewhosesuffragesheasks，toclearthismatteru。Willhedoit?

IthoughtIshouldburstwithamazement!Suchacruel，heartlesscharge!IneverhadseenCochinChina!IneverhadheardofWakawak!Ididn&aos;tknowalantain-atchfromakangaroo!Ididnotknowwhattodo。Iwascrazedandhelless。Iletthedaysliawaywithoutdoinganythingatall。Thenextmorningthesameaerhadhis-nothingmore:

SIGNIFICANT。-Mr。Twain，itwillbeobserved，issuggestivelysilentabouttheCochinChinaerjury。

[Mem。-Duringtherestofthecamaignthisaerneverreferredtomeinanyotherwaythanas

"theinfamouserjurerTwain

"。

NextcametheGazette，withthis:

WANTEDTOKNOW-WillthenewcandidateforGovernordeigntoexlaintocertainofhisfellow-citizenswhoaresufferingtovoteforhim!thelittlecircumstanceofhiscabin-matesinMontanalosingsmallvaluablesfromtimetotime，untilatlast，thesethingshavingbeeninvariablyfoundonMr。Twain&aos;sersonorinhis

"trunk

"（newsaerherolledhistrasin），theyfeltcomelledtogivehimafriendlyadmonitionforhisowngood，andsotarredandfeatheredhim，androdehimonarail;andthenadvisedhimtoleaveaermanentvacuuminthelaceheusuallyoccuiedinthecam。Willhedothis?

Couldanythingbemoredeliberatelymaliciousthanthat?ForIneverwasinMontanainmylife。[Afterthis，thisjournalcustomarilysokeofmeas，

"Twain，theMontanaThief。

"]

Igottoickinguaersarehensively-muchasonewouldliftadesiredblanketwhichhehadsomeideamighthavearattlesnakeunderit。

Onedaythismetmyeye:

THELIENAILED。-BytheswornaffidavitsofMichaelO&aos;Flanagan，Esq。，oftheFivePoints，andMr。SnubRaffertyandMr。CattyMulligan，ofWaterStreet，itisestablishedthatMr。MarkTwain&aos;svilestatementthatthelamentedgrandfatherofournoblestandard-bearer，BlankJ。Blank，washangedforhighwayrobbery，isabrutalandgratuitousLIE，withoutashadowoffoundationinfact。Itisdishearteningtovirtuousmentoseesuchshamefulmeansresortedtoachieveoliticalsuccessastheattackingofthedeadintheirgraves，anddefilingtheirhonorednameswithslander。Whenwethinkoftheanguishthismiserablefalsehoodmustcausetheinnocentrelativesandfriendsofthedeceased，wearealmostdriventoinciteanoutragedandinsultedublictosummaryandunlawfulvengeanceuonthetraducer。Butno!letusleavehimtotheagonyofalaceratedconscience（thoughifassionshouldgetthebetteroftheublic，andinitsblindfurytheyshoulddothetraducerbodilyinjury，itisbuttooobviousthatnojurycouldconvictandnocourtunishtheeretratorsofthedeed）。

Theingeniousclosingsentencehadtheeffectofmovingmeoutofbedwithdesatchthatnight，andoutatthebackdooralso，whilethe

"outragedandinsultedublic

"surgedinthefrontway，breakingfurnitureandwindowsintheirrighteousindignationastheycame，andtakingoffsuchroertyastheycouldcarrywhentheywent。AndyetIcanlaymyhanduontheBookandsaythatIneverslanderedMr。Blank&aos;sgrandfather。More:Ihadneverevenheardofhimormentionedhimutothatdayanddate。

[Iwillstate，inassing，thatthejournalabovequotedfromalwaysreferredtomeafterwardas

"Twain，theBody-Snatcher。

"]

Thenextnewsaerarticlethatattractedmyattentionwasthefollowing:

ASWEETCANDIDATE。-Mr。MarkTwain，whowastomakesuchablightingseechatthemass-meetingoftheIndeendentslastnight，didn&aos;tcometotime!Atelegramfromhishysicianstatedthathehadbeenknockeddownbyarunawayteam，andhislegbrokenintwolaces-suffererlyingingreatagony，andsoforth，andsoforth，andalotmoreboshofthesamesort。AndtheIndeendentstriedhardtoswallowthewretchedsubterfuge，andretendthattheydidnotknowwhatwastherealreasonoftheabsenceoftheabandonedcreaturewhomtheydenominatetheirstandard-bearer。AcertainmanwasseentoreelintoMr。Twain&aos;shotellastnightinastateofbeastlyintoxication。ItistheimerativedutyoftheIndeendentstorovethatthisbesottedbrutewasnotMarkTwainhimself。Wehavethematlast!Thisisacasethatadmitsofnoshirking。Thevoiceoftheeoledemandsinthundertones，

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